Burnout out is characterized by a sense of being alienated or wanting to isolate from work, along with cynicism and negativity at work.  A persistent feeling of being drained or exhausted, tired and unable to cope is another sign.  Finally, poor or reduced performance, very low motivation to get up and go to work, difficulty focusing at work, and low productivity and creativity is another symptom.  Additionally, some may experience increased illness, and drug and alcohol use. Further, burnout may manifest in areas of life other than work.

Staying in burnout over a long period of time can worsen the problem leading to more serious mental illness such as depression.  It’s important to recognize if you get to a state of burnout, whether it be at home or at work, so you can take action to help yourself.

Sometimes small changes will be enough to resolve burnout.  Other times you may need to make a big change to get some relief.  

Evaluate your self-care; eat healthy meals, take a lunch break, and drink water throughout the day. Exercise and create some movement breaks during the day, e.g. leave your desk or office and go for a brisk walk, go outside to sit in nature, walk up and down stairs, or do 5-10 minutes of yoga or stretching.  Build in mindfulness or meditation into your day; use an app to listen to as a guide.  Get enough sleep.  Self-care is your first protector against burnout.  

Don’t be afraid to ask for help from a loved one or your boss.  Consider simple options for changing up your work routine, ask for a change in tasks, or find out if your company has other open positions.  Lastly, counseling or coaching is a resource to support you in identifying and overcoming burnout.  Talking your feelings out with someone can help you gain perspective and make a plan.

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Sometimes nuanced problems we may be experiencing  such as a decrease in productivity at work, distractibility, difficulty making decisions, can be signs of bigger problems.  Even changes in sleeping, eating, and energy can be signs you might need to look at your mental and emotional well-being.

If your child’s personality seems to change, they start to exhibit anger or isolation; they may have a mental health concern they need help with.  

Men in particular, can be susceptible to overlooking their need for help because they may have limited awareness of their own emotions, utilize unhealthy masculine ideas such as “being weak if they ask for help,” or just “pushing through things.”  

Some people report experiencing a reduction in negative symptoms just after their first session.  You don’t have to wait until you are in crisis to ask for help.  It’s much easier to pull yourself out of a rut than out of a deep hole.  Solution Focused Brief Therapy is an approach that takes a positive look at your strengths, examines your successes and points you toward ideas where you can be the superhero in your own story.  

There are many free online resources to help cue you into whether your experiencing a mental health problem.  Here are a few you can check out.

www.ndbh.com/CrisisResources

https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/

https://nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Warning-Signs-and-Symptoms

The post Mental Health Awareness Month (May 2021) appeared first on Heart of the Matter Counseling and Coaching.

Research shows evidence-based therapies are able to change one’s negative moods or emotions and help manage or improve our psychological well-being.  While, emotions come and go throughout the day, you can learn to use these strategies on your own, outside of therapy, to cultivate the mood or emotional state you want to be in. 

Renowned author and researcher, Brene Brown, states that the source of joy is gratitude.  When I think of gratitude I also think of being in appreciation. With this in mind, consider taking time to have a “conversation with yourself,” in which your intention is to create appreciation for you.  Set aside quiet time to ask yourself some questions, verbally or in writing, or make some statements about the past year that you appreciate about yourself.

What skill did you use to overcome a challenge?

How did you cope with change?

In what ways were you flexible?

How were you a learner this year?

If you failed, how did you recover?

What did you do that worked for you?

When were you successful this year?

What action did you take no matter how small that was of service to you?

What intrinsic quality helped you get through a difficult time?

As part of being human we tend to focus on what we did wrong or what is “bad” about ourselves.  Cultivating appreciation for yourself will help you focus on the positive parts of you.  From appreciation you will find easier access to gratitude and joy moving forward in your new year.   

The post Creating Appreciation (December 2020) appeared first on Heart of the Matter Counseling and Coaching.

45,000 Americans die by suicide every year.  Further data shows there are some groups that have higher rates of suicide than others.  These include: being male over the age of 75, teens with mental health problems, being between the ages 10-34, being LGBTQIA+, having experienced sexual trauma, having a severe untreated mental health disorder, having an addiction, and having a family history of suicide or prior attempts.  

 Warning Signs:

One warning sign is, talking about wanting to die.  “All my problems will end soon, everyone will be better off without me, or being in unbearable pain.”  

Other signs might be, changes in behavior or taking action. Such as withdrawal, loss of interest in activities, making final arrangements/giving away prized possessions, risk-taking behavior, increased use in drugs/alcohol,  self-injurious behavior, looking for a way to access lethal means, or showing a lack of interest in future plans.  

You may not have thoughts about these signs, sudden or extreme mood shifts, showing rage or seeking revenge, acting anxious or agitated, feeling isolated.

Also a persistent inability to cope with stressful situations like death/loss, divorce/separation, sexual and physical abuse, work/relationship/financial problems, dependency on drugs/alcohol, pandemics or hurricanes.

A once heard it framed this way, “Warning signs are invitations to help.”  So, what to do next?  

• Ask the person directly, are you thinking about suicide? Or are you thinking of killing yourself?  Practice it before you ask.  
• Ask more questions, get more information.  Keep them safe (remove lethal means or monitor them until they get help); this is a priority.  If they are unable to be kept safe a person may need to be hospitalized.
• Get help.  Tell other friends and family and help them get appointments with their doctor or a therapist.  Connect them to National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-8255 or the Crisis Text Line 741741.  Have them talk to a trusted friend or spiritual advisor.  
• Be there and follow up to show you care.  Call them, have others call them, tell them you are there for support.

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Human beings desire homeostasis; they want the system to go back to the “status quo” of what is familiar and makes sense to them.  The psychological impact of having to cope with constant change and new situations can cause mood swings, irritability, self-doubt, a desire to withdraw or isolate, feeling bombarded or overwhelmed with decisions, anxiety or sickness.  

It is not just you feeling like you can’t cope; there is nothing inherently wrong with you.  You are not broken and you do not need to be fixed.  Everyone is experiencing the symptoms outlined above to one degree or another right now.

In a work context the extent to which you have had or are having to deal with change depends on your line of work.  In any of these cases learning to be flexible in our thinking, open to new ideas, not hanging on to what was or the way we did things is essential to adapting and

coping with new requirements and expectations.

Noticing your moods and emotions can help open your mind to new possibilities instead of shutting them down.  From a mood of anxiety you will get resistance, shut down, fear and feel immobilized.  From a mood of curiosity you may get innovative ideas, see things as possible that you did not see before and have a sense of accomplishment.

Recognize that new learning is uncomfortable and often has the feeling of being out on the skinny branches and that is acceptable when you are able to see yourself as a learner.

Taking care of your physical well-being and body is imperative in times of disruption and distress.  Further, just practicing and observing the way you hold yourself in your posture of sitting or standing or moving can either move you toward this ability to be flexible and empowered to cope or feel resigned and overwhelmed by everything going on around you that is out of your control.

The post Dealing With Change (June 2020) appeared first on Heart of the Matter Counseling and Coaching.

Most of the time when people enter therapy it is on an outpatient basis at a clinic, private practice, or agency setting.  A person usually attends therapy weekly for one hour, but the frequency can be increased or decreased temporarily if needed.  Sometimes, it is useful for the person to attend an outpatient therapy group weekly or monthly, as well as work with their doctor or psychiatrist to start medication.  A combination of these allows the person to live normally while getting their mental health needs met.

When outpatient care is not enough, people can be referred to a higher level of care.  This is called an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP).  Typically, a program might be 3 days a week for a half a day or evening.  Participants will get treatment from a multi-disciplinary team including nurses, therapists, and psychiatrists.  The treatment would include group and individual therapy.  

There is a similar option called a Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP).  The person would receive treatment from a multi-disciplinary team, however treatment hours are more intense, most likely 4-5 days a week for several hours a day.

One of the highest levels of care is an acute care hospitalization.  The length of stay is usually 2 days to 2 weeks.  This is typically for people who are considered a danger to themselves or others, functioning at a very low level due to their mental illness, experiencing a manic episode, or psychosis.  The person would stay at the hospital during this period and be seen within 24 hours by a psychiatrist. Nurses would distribute medication like at a hospital, therapists would provide individual and group therapy during the day.  There are mental health staff  on the units 24/7 providing care and supervision.  If a person is in need of hospitalization and will not voluntarily sign in, someone can be “committed” to a hospital by a physician, psychiatric nurse practitioner, psychologist, (via PEC) or the coroner’s office (via OPC) in Louisiana.

After someone has repeated unsuccessful treatments at any of these lower levels of care an individual might require longer term treatment at a residential treatment center.  This is where a person would go and live for 30 days or longer for in depth care.  These programs are often specialized in the people and issues they treat.

There can be many frustrating barriers trying to get the help outlined here when you are dealing with insurance companies, but that’s a topic for a different day. If you don’t know where to begin, see if your company provides EAP benefits to get started.

The post Navigating the Mental Health System (December 2019) appeared first on Heart of the Matter Counseling and Coaching.

The next step is to avoid the easiest thing to do, which is to blame others.  Pointing fingers usually  won’t get us very far except down the rabbit hole of emotions we are already on.  So when we want to learn the place to look is inside ourselves.  Get real curious about why you are feeling this way and spend some time asking yourself some questions.  

What is it about me that has me triggered by this?  Possibly the incident has touched on an experience from your past or violated some deep value or concern for you.  Sometimes we are not even aware of things that are important to us, but we feel it emotionally when it has been crossed.  What is it about the way I listened, that has me feeling like this? In other words, it is very possible you interpreted what was said differently than it was intended or you are making it mean something the speaker did not mean.  I cannot stress enough how often this happens.  Possibly just seeking clarification about what you took from the comment or conversation will help to resolve the emotions or the conflict for you.  

Another idea is to consider what you can do to change your emotional state.  There are many different ways to do this.  Exercise, music, movement, journaling, praying, breathing, meditating are all ways you can shift your emotional state.  Choose a way that works for you.  

An even deeper question to consider is, what is it about me, about the way I’m showing up, that has this person behave the way they do?  That could reveal some very powerful ideas for you to reflect on.  

Feeling triggered can leave you feeling out of control of your life and emotions, when you remember that “no one is doing this to you” it’s our own nervous systems and our interpretations of events having you feel this way it is a much more empowered place to work from.  Learning from these small moments of being triggered can help you improve your emotional management and reactions in the future.  

The post Feeling Triggered Part II (September 2019 Coaching) appeared first on Heart of the Matter Counseling and Coaching.

1. EDUCATION: In counseling/therapy you are working with a licensed mental health professional able to diagnose mental health conditions, and holding a license in the state in which they practice.  They, at a minimum, will have completed a Masters degree along with 2-3,000 supervision hours, and yearly continuing education required to maintain their license.  As a result of holding this license therapists will be held to stricter ethics and boundaries than someone who is solely a coach.

A coach does not have to have any training at all under the law; but most likely has been to some kind of coach training program.  You could walk out your door right now, say you are a coach, and that’s it.  However, there are a few national and international organizations that offer certifications to regulate the standards of coaching.  The primary body certifying coach training programs and levels of coaching recognized as the “gold standard” for coaching is the International Coaching Federation.  You want to consider a coach’s education, training and experience. The ICF does set ethical standards for coaches.

2. PRACTICE MODEL: Therapist training comes from a medical model where there is a diagnosis and treatment goals for a particular problem or mental health condition.  Most likely an assessment, diagnosis, and measurable treatment goals will be created, particularly if you are using insurance for payment.  The therapist/client relationship can be collaborative, but there is an underlying assumption of the therapist being the expert on the issues to be addressed, thus creating the differential in the therapist/client relationship. The clinician’s therapeutic orientation, will guide the focus on how your problems are approached and goals are reached.

Life coaching is largely future-oriented, could address positive or negative breakdowns, may or may not be goal-directed, is more likely to address existential issues, and includes learning about your way of being.  It can be quicker and produce deep and lasting change.  This could be due to coaching’s focus on second order learning, on the basis of which the coachee is changing themselves. Another reason for this could be because the coaching client is typically one functioning well in life already, but wants to excel in some area or what they are up to is a more authentic, self-authoring life, and learning to be their most effective self in any area they choose. If you engage in personal coaching there will not be a psychosocial assessment, diagnosis, or treatment plan because inherently by coaching, there is nothing wrong with you.  The issues discussed are what the coachee brings in as their concerns and the coachee will draw upon their own resourcefulness to make change. The coach/coachee relationship is one of collaboration and partnership in which the locus of control is with the coachee.

3. CLIENT NEED: People with a  range of psychological issues may come to counseling.  This can vary from depression to anxiety, other mood disorders, relationship difficulties, trauma, abuse, difficulty adjusting to a life change, trouble in school functioning, and family or origin issues.  These issues are likely impacting their ability to function in life.

Most people will benefit from personal coaching. People appropriate for coaching tend to be functioning well overall. For example, they may feel anxious or depressed, but are able to get along on a day to day basis. While they might be experiencing difficult moods and emotions, they are not suffering from a serious mental health condition.  They could be generally happy in life, but sense there is something more, knowing they are living in their comfort zone.  They may have something they want to achieve or be different in their life.  Further, there is an entire area of coaching intended for executives and leaders, who tend to be highly driven and action-oriented and want help in their endeavors.  Other people may want to address their purpose in life, troublesome relationships, or moving past barriers in life.

4. DIFFERENT DISTINCTIONS: You know how when you go to a doctor you are likely to get medicine, and if you go to a chiropractor you are likely to get an adjustment, or if you go to a physical therapist you are likely to get stretching and exercises. The same deal applies to therapy and coaching. The professional is going to work from their distinctions and knowledge. Therapists will work with you from a psychological perspective and share information from the field of psychology and other closely related areas that may be helpful to your issue. Coaches will share distinctions or information from their particular coach training. In my training, based on the study of your way of being in the world, distinctions shared include language, mood and emotions, and body.

The post Life Coaching vs Therapy appeared first on Heart of the Matter Counseling and Coaching.

What if I told you what was up was you? As human beings we are closed systems; what that means is when our nervous system receives a message from something in the environment, our nervous system informs us how to respond.  What triggers us won’t trigger the next person, and what triggers the next person, won’t trigger the next.  It’s because we each have our own closed system with our own unique experiences and history.  These experiences come to live in us as part of the biology of who we are. The implication of this is important… It is not the other person who triggers us; what triggers us lives within us.  

There are a few other things at work here.  We as human beings are “walking interpretations” and we carry with us a whole host of historical and cultural experiences and beliefs.  These experiences have us make meaning of the things we see and hear…constantly.  We are “meaning making machines.”  These are the thoughts running through our head about the trigger.  

Further, we listen and act through our own moods and emotions.  So what we hear will be interpreted through a good or bad mood and how we respond behaviorally will be influenced by these moods and emotions.  

This is good news and bad news.  The bad news is this realization has you understand that you cannot blame anyone for doing this to you; it’s not like cause and effect.  No one triggered you; you triggered yourself.  On the other hand, this realization gives you great personal power as you know you have control over yourself and the versatility and ability to change yourself.  I will add, this does not absolve us from being sensitive to others; we can’t go around provoking people and then be absolved from responsibility by saying they triggered themselves.

The post Feeling Triggered Part I (June 2019 Coaching) appeared first on Heart of the Matter Counseling and Coaching.

In times of mobile devices it’s difficult for adults to unplug, let alone adolescents.  It’s so important that we teach our young people how to interact with each other in a healthy manner and not be a perpetrator of or susceptible to digital abuse.  So what is digital abuse?  This is when a dating partner uses abusive behaviors through technology.  A dating partner may use digital abuse to bully (put downs or belittling friends and family), stalk (tracking, sharing location, constantly following social media), intimidate (threatening, mood swings, or explosive temper toward the partner) or harass a partner (calling or texting constantly) in efforts to take power over and control them.  

Some examples of these might include: texting to blame someone for a perceived wrongdoing or to manipulate them in to doing what they want, or not allowing them to turn off their phone, getting angry if the partner does not respond in a certain time, reading their partner’s text messages, or demanding their passwords.  Non-consensual sexting is harassment as well.

What can you do to help a loved one experiencing dating violence?

1. Show your teen or share with a teen’s parent the behaviors that look like digital abuse.  Explore options for changing their behaviors and getting their needs met without controlling another person.  It’s likely they may need professional intervention.  Talk to your teen about recognizing that extreme jealousy does not equal love.
2. Ask your teen if they would ever share their social media or phone passwords.
3. Ask your teen what they would do if they had a friend whose partner constantly texted them.
4. Discuss ways your teen could set boundaries with their partner.

For more information check out: https://www.breakthecycle.org/

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